Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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