Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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