ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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