doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
