with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
