Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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