Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
