i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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