a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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