yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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