When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
