hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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