How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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