I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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