When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
