How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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