the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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