dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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