I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
