it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
