Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
