atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize