Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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