I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
