They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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