No stitches, just platelets and will power
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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