I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
