if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.