so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
