Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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