my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
