I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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