You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You made out with two different species that night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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