i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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