dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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