its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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