roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
