eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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