Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
