Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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