If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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