She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
