i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
