...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
