I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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