this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
