I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Even my vagina gasped.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
