Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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