I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
