a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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