doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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