38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
