I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
