No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
