I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
