Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
