I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
