New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
