Pappa wants mamma naked
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
