everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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