Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
