i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
