Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
