He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
