pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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