Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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