Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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