Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
