47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
