He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
