i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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