Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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