The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
