ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
