apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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