Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
