I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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