She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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