the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
