Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
